The season is finally over.
Today I hit the door on my finger. I cried a little and then I cried because I cried. That vicious circle forced me to think about my anxiety that rises this time of the year.
Sunday was the final day of the season and sun did not shine on that day. For me this means that my internship at Svanstein Ski has come to an end and I need to look for new opportunities and once again start thinking what was it that I wanted to do with my life after all.
I feel bad, kind of the same way that I felt before moving here. It is about facing my fear of moving on with my life, leaving something behind – environment, job, people. While I was away for three days last week the spring came; snow had melted from our yard and roof, my best friend had moved on from the ski centre and the atmosphere had changed.
Despite my fear of moving on, I do feel the need to continue. This time was a hard period in our lives and though everything is better now, everything here reminds me of those bad things that happened. I haven’t been home sick too much, but now I am missing my friends, family and something about that former life I used to have.
A fresh start would be needed at the moment, but where? I have applied to few jobs that I have been interested in, but the uncertainty of now knowing what happens next and what I want with my life is crushing me and despite everything this feels like a safe haven giving me time to decide what I want.